The process of helping a parent begins well before filling in Residential Care admission forms and updating Centrelink. It involves identifying the different areas your loved one may need assistance with, understanding their situation to be prepared, and enabling them to start to relinquish their fear of losing independence. This is crucial because when things need to happen, they often need to happen quickly. Here are five key areas you should consider to make the process easier now and in the long run.
Power of Attorney
Obtaining a Power of Attorney is critical when helping a loved one. The documentation varies from state to state, but the effect is the same – enabling you to act on their behalf, in their best interest, making administration much easier for you and less stressful for them. It is also crucial if they lose capacity, as you may need to apply to the courts to be granted this power. However, this is a long and stressful process with more arduous record-keeping requirements.
I recommend getting your documentation through an Estate Planning lawyer. While there may be a free ‘colour by numbers’ style Power of Attorney document in a Post Office kit, they are not as useful or powerful as a properly drafted document. This strength comes back to a few key things:
Cognition and Influence: The lawyer can determine (or bring in a specialist to help determine) whether the person is capable of nominating a Power of Attorney. They can also identify where there may be undue influence or elder abuse.
Wording: The wording is more specific and can include additional clauses like conflicts of interest clauses.
Education: They can help all parties understand the responsibilities and make decisions about whether there needs to be more than one attorney and who the best person really is.
Signatures: Having your document properly witnessed gives it greater strength and ensures it will be accepted where you need to use it.
It’s a good idea to obtain several certified copies of the Power of Attorney documents and ID documents (yours and your parent’s). At least one provider you deal with will likely need original copies sent to them to validate the Power of Attorney. Be prepared by getting a few copies ready to go!
Bills and Banking
Another important step is to create a list of all bills and expenses, including who the provider is and which account or card the bill is paid from. Look through their mailed statements, bank statements, and ask them where all their bills are paid from. This saves heartache before they go into care, just in case there is an issue.
To make life even easier, find out what steps you need to take to list yourself as an authority or Power of Attorney on their accounts so you can make enquiries on their behalf. If possible, send that documentation in now. This is a fine line as some parents may find this overbearing, so you may stick to just gathering information at this point.
The same goes for bank accounts, super funds, and other financial products. Being listed as the authority on these areas makes understanding their situation much easier. Once you know where their information is, look to consolidate their banking into as few accounts as possible, ensuring you have some form of card access and internet banking access enabled.
Many older people still operate out of cheque accounts, and when it comes time to get information for Centrelink or make lump sum RAD transfers, you will want to be able to do so easily.
Their Online Logins
Ensure whatever logins your parents have are kept in a safe and centralised place; ideally not a notebook kept by the drawer of their bed. This is helpful for generally assisting them with logging into services like Netflix, but more importantly, if they lose capacity or pass away, you may need to notify each service provider individually, and having this information can be handy when needed.
Avoid using their logins, and where possible gain your own external access. It is critical you do not use their logins for banking and transacting, especially where there may be family trust issues.
Decluttering the Home
This is a trickier task and may be reserved for when they enter care – but start the decluttering process. If your parent has lived in the same home for 50+ years, this can be quite the task. The more you chip away at tidying and decluttering their situation, the easier it will be for you later. This can also include paying attention to any hidden maintenance issues they have been avoiding.
There can be some emotional complexity sewn into this:
For your parent: Getting rid of things accumulated over a long period can be a traumatic experience.
For your family dynamic: You may have family members who refuse to help or are more helpful by not helping. This process can also unearth fighting about inheritance, so tread softly.
There are decluttering experts that can assist you in this process too, but they are usually best kept for when your parent moves into care or has passed away.
Organise an ACAT Assessment and Potentially Home Aged Care
Depending on your parent's emotional buy-in, you may be able to start the whole process and get them some help at home as well. You can register them at the My Aged Care website and, if need be, attend the meeting with your parent. If they are a proud person, remind them that they are being assessed on their worst day, not their best.
This provides familiarity with having care and genuinely helps them at home. One common excuse for not getting Home Care is, “Oh, I’m fine, my son/daughter does that for me.” Often this isn’t about the task itself but maintaining that relationship, so be aware of your parent's needs in this regard.
Start to Visit Aged Care Facilities
When appropriate and possible, start visiting care facilities and getting familiar with what is available and which are of greater preference. This helps with incremental acceptance of the idea of care and gives you more time to find an appropriate option.
While I am not a placement agent, here are my tips for choosing a facility:
Immediate feeling and vibe: Do you feel comfortable with it? Do the staff speak to you straight away? Do they acknowledge you when you’re waiting? How do the corridors feel? Can you make the rooms your own, bringing in furniture, TVs, painting, etc.? What are the residents doing? Are they up and about, taking part in activities, or bedbound? This gives you an idea of the kind of residents the facility tends to take in.
Location: If you decide to do a combination of residential and retirement living, are they connected, either on the same block or via bus transfer through common ownership or relationship?
Room availability: Do they have double rooms with space and ensuites? This is a consideration depending on who goes into care and if you can get a double room now (which locks in your interest rate).
Services offered: Not all places have dementia support, for example.
By considering these steps, you can ensure a smoother transition for your parent into care, while also making the process less stressful for yourself.
In Closing
Taking proactive actions with regards to your parents whole situation can make life much easier and less stressful for if and when they do need to go into care, but it can also help you help them more immediately, reducing stress and allowing them to enjoy life a bit more.
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